I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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