You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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