nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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