also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
