actually, I'm a sock model
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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