my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
