I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
