You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
