apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
