Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
