ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
