Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
