Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
