Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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