Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
