come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
