biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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