Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
