fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
