His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
