Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
