You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just pee around me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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