The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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