Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
