You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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