I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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