the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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