I hate all girls vehemently.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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