Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
