Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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