at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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