Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
