but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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