and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
