I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
