he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
