Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
