I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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