I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
