when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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