i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
