so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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