He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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