i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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