So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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