After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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