saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
