she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
