the condom got lost in my hair
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
