Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
