So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Houston, we have a squirter
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
