I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
