hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
