I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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