Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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