Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
