Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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