Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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