had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
