i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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