when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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