its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
