Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
