i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize