everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
