dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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