I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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