Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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