yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
