you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
