hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
