So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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