Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
