she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
